Something's Got to Give

Roll your eyes, Miss Marilyn. It's that sort of post.

Barre class last night. A tough class -- and I'm playing catch-up thanks to my two-week exercise freeze. It's amazing how fast muscles regress. I'm certainly paying for this nugget of knowledge.

I managed to stay fairly upright on the physio ball. But then a lunge sequence started. And within two moves, I fell flat on the floor. Luckily in the back of the room (and -- more luckily -- only my ego was bruised), but that moment brought me as close to a physical meltdown as I've ever had in public.

(I come from a family of cryers -- for happy and sad things. Different from my kin, however, is my personal challenge of crying at frustrating/anger-inducing things. I've come to accept this personal weakness and have coping mechanisms to keep the tears in check when they're not appropriate. But let me tell you, anger tears are the worst -- and absolutely the most difficult to control.)

You see, sustaining a lunge when your lower stomach gets in the way of a full stretch and balance -- even though you could do it if the physical barrier wasn't there -- is beyond difficult. Forget about knee and joint issues; we're talking actual inability to reach around, brace on the floor, and hold position.

People think overweight folks don't exercise because they are lazy. And sure, there may be truth in that -- but no more so than the regular lazy population. What gets me is not that workouts are challenging or sweaty or gasp-inducing (they should be), but the sheer ignorance of what is physically possible by many people.

Imagine going to any given workout knowing there will be a moment where you outright fail. That's what I have to overcome mentally. Every. Single. Time.

I've had instructors stare blankly in my face when I've asked for props or modifications to work around my stomach (yet they'll always help a pregnant woman -- I'm at a loss on this one). I've suffered through rashes and broken skin in places you don't want to consider. I'm motivated to make this work because I am ridiculously stubborn. But there are times you want to give in because the mental stress of it all is just too much.

My new buddy Karen reached out to me in the silliness of the last couple weeks to share a few links and ideas of why my body refuses to let go, despite eating lower-carb (30-40g/day) AND low calorie (1600-1800/day). Pick your nutritional theory -- I'm doing it.

Some of the ideas -- such as sleeping in a totally dark room (we do...until the sun comes up and then it's HELLO, SUNSHINE!) and eliminating dairy for possible autoimmune/inflammation issues -- seem test-worthy. But then she sent me this:

"We've seen people eating an anti-inflammatory paleo diet for upwards of a year with little change in scale weight. They feel better, but weight is slow to budge. Then suddenly, 'something' changes and weight loss is rapid and easy." (boldface mine)

And really, you have to ask yourself: When do you say "enough is enough?" When do you stop believing that it's all going to come together? And -- personal irritation here -- why in HELL is it always people who have never had a weight problem (or alternatively men who lost 80+ pounds in a month -- don't get me started on that) who are telling us to just keep going, trust in the system, it'll all be fine. There are many days where it doesn't feel fine. There's a LOT more mental anguish and -- for the first time in my life -- sheer body hatred going on over here.

You should know I'm doing this not because of vanity or fashion or any of the usual self-involved reasons, but to avoid my family's diabetic and cancer-riddled fate. And, hopefully, in order to reduce my chances of a complicated pregnancy sometime in the next year. These are my goals. This is why the number on the scale -- and its refusal to change -- is so devastating to me.

I'm not giving up. I do feel more alert, less sluggish, and have far less cravings eating the way I do now than I did before. But I don't know that I can give any more. I'm being asked to have faith where science should provide. And, try as I might to find what I'm doing wrong, I know (and The Brit has assured me) that I'm not doing anything wrong. I've been failed -- by the system, by biology, by experts, by expectations.

When do you wave the white flag? Because I'll tell you -- I've got a pile full of Kleenex sitting here that, though soggy, can be waved at any time.

Hormonal hmmmmm...

A delightful birthday dinner last night -- the chef's tasting menu! We had:

• A seared scallop on rattlesnake beans and venison sausage
• Radish sprouts salad in a sesame vinaigrette with carrot crisps on house-pulled mozzarella
• Crispy halibut with shrimps and a smoky, creamy sauce over one lobster ravioli
• Glazed beef on polenta with wild mushrooms and onions
• Creme brulee (with a candle on top!) for me; pound cake with honey cream for The Brit

Oh, and two slices of bread with dips to start. A glass of champagne and a glass of red wine, too.

Delicious, definitely -- and an experimental treat.

We returned to home around 10:30pm. On the way, I told The Brit how sleepy I felt. Granted, it had been a crazy day involving lots of non-air conditioned car travel. You see, our car's A/C is broken. In Phoenix. In August. Painful to consider, right? But regardless of that, a wave of "I'm tired NOW" hit me very fast and out of the blue. Possibly general exhaustion, but I also get this feeling any time I eat anything high sugar/carb. I hadn't felt it in at least a month...

At 12:30pm, the PMS cramps hit. HARD. This after thinking "hey, I haven't had my usual 7-10 days of painful nonsense!" yesterday. I'm due for PMS to be over tomorrow or Saturday. This is all very strange.

I woke up at least four times last night, needing to walk around or sit upright in order for the cramps to pass. Over-the-counter painkillers do not help, but I took some anyway. No dice.

This all has me to wondering: Is it complete, cyclical coincidence? Or could it be the big shot of sugar I ingested last night after next-to-nothing for a month -- and subsequent insulin surge -- kicked my prostaglandins and other hormones into gear?

If there is one thing I know after my years of working with endocrinologists, it's this: The hormonal system is completely interlinked and beyond delicate. You mess with one, you mess with the others. But is one meal enough to cause such painful consequences?

I am very logy today, but that could be the fact that I didn't sleep well last night. It could be the sugar getting out of my body. Or both. The Brit tells me he feels really tired today as well, despite fairly normal sleep.

I am not one to jump to a conclusion, particularly when other valid factors are in play. But it causes me to wonder...so I crave research. I'll have to look into this. When I have more energy.

What We're Gobbling These Days

Among friends, I've been pretty hush-hush about my new approach to food. After all, talking diets in public is boring. I'd rather focus on the yummy things I get to eat, rather than dwell on what's been put to the side.

The guidelines are really very simple. Here's what's in:

• All vegetables, except roots and tubers.
• Whole meats -- including seafood, poultry, beef, pork, etc. Processed meats (e.g., sausage, bacon, deli meat) can be OK for variety, but labels have to be carefully scrutinized for added sugar/starch. You'd be surprised.
• Eggs -- the whole egg. Not just the whites.
• Full-fat dairy -- including cheeses (hooray!!), butter, cream, sour cream.
• Condiments, herbs, oils, spices, beverages that don't contain sugar. Lots of label reading required here. Beware.

Here's what I can have in small quantities:

• BOOZE. I could be fancy and say "wine or spirits," but let's be real here. A drink a day, if I want. Maybe two on special occasions. Nothing sweet or with sugar, of course.
• Tomatoes, avocados, coconut, lemons, limes -- yes, they're fruit, but have much lower sugar content. A bit here and there makes the world go 'round.
• High-fiber crispbreads (up to two a day) and 100% wheat bran.
• A few nuts -- I keep this to a palmful a day, or else I'd eat the whole jar.
• Dark chocolate -- the 75% or higher kind, up to about 1/4 of a bar a day.
• Sucralose (Splenda), stevia, and aspartame (Nutrasweet), in very small quantities when necessary. For all my "eat real food!" mantra, I am not a martyr. Sugar-free cherry Jell-O is a godsend. As is the occasional Diet Dr. Pepper.

Here's what's out:

• Sugar, in its many forms and disguises.
• Fruit (except those listed above) -- for now. I plan to move fruit up to the "small quantities" list eventually.
• Beans and legumes -- these should move up eventually, too.
• Flour and grains -- yes, even whole grains.
• Low-fat anything, especially dairy. Hallelujah!
• Sugar alcohols, especially maltodextrin, malitol, xylitol, sorbitol, etc.

The Brit has been very supportive and is eating a similar diet. Since he does not have serious weight to lose -- maybe five pounds or so of "Welcome to America!" tummy is all -- he has more flexibility in his day-to-day. He eats a piece of fruit most afternoons for a snack. He's a regular squirrel with all the nuts and peanut butter he puts away. He might have a spoonful of rice or potato when we go out to eat. And he has four or five crispbreads daily instead of his beloved toast (the British practically invented toast, don't you know).

Weight-loss aside,* we've both noticed we feel much more satisfied, with much less need or urge to snack. We don't walk away from the table bloated or stuffed -- we eat what we want, then put away the rest for breakfast or lunch the next day. We eat very, very well, with lots of variety. We look at regular recipes and sort out how we can naturally twist them to our own. Leaving out sugar is simple. And think about it: most starchy sides (pasta, potato, rice, breads) are simply carriers, anyway. To boot, we have dessert a few times a week.

There are other benefits, too. Such as:

• Sleeping more soundly;
• Smoother energy and alertness throughout the day -- no 4pm slump!
• Better digestion and less gas (I said it -- there you go);
• A flatter mid-section;
• What seems to be a drastic reduction in severe PMS cramping, bloating, and crankiness. I'm observing this for the next few months, but if eating lower-carb solves my PMS issues alone, it is worth it.

I'll be heading in for blood work within the next week. I can't wait to see the results.

But enough of this jibber-jabber! WHAT DO WE EAT?!

How about this:

Chicken Puttanesca and Raw Kale Salad -- so delicious!

Note the delightful wine (Fumé Blanc), too.

Yes, this is a Monday night dinner.

And this:

Coconut Popsicles -- heaven on a stick.

Not exactly deprivation. Not even close.

These recipes are also very simple. I love to cook, but I'm not good with too much fussing. With rare exception, there's no need to spend more than 30-ish minutes actively cooking, not including oven time, when you do nothing but wait.

The Raw Kale Salad recipe can be found here (leave out the bread crumbs -- you won't miss them). Read on for the rest...

Chicken Puttanesca (Serves 2)

2 boneless chicken breasts, butterflied (or 4 cutlets) -- skin is OK!

2 tbsp. olive oil, divided

Salt and pepper

1 28-oz can whole peeled tomatoes (check for added sugar -- you just want tomatoes and juice)

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/4-1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes (to taste -- more is spicier)

1/4 cup finely chopped onion (use regular Spanish, white or yellow onions -- not sweet onions, like Vidalia or Walla Walla)

2-3 inch squirt of anchovy paste**

2 tbsp. small capers

1/4 cup chopped olives (green are traditional, but use what you like or have)

A bit of grated Parmesan cheese or chopped parsley, for optional garnishes

In a skillet, heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil over medium-high heat. Season cutlets on one side with salt and pepper. Place in skillet, seasoned side down, then season facing-up side. Saute until cooked through and golden on both sides. Remove to a clean plate.

While chicken sautes, drain tomatoes (save the juice for another use). Using kitchen scissors, snip the tomatoes inside the can until somewhat diced. This does not (and should not) need to be perfect. Theoretically, you can use pre-diced tomatoes, but they will turn to mush. Don't do it. Always buy whole tomatoes -- they're tastier and, oddly, cheaper.

Add remaining oil to same pan. Turn heat down to medium. Saute onions and garlic for a minute or until fragrant. Add red pepper flakes and saute for 30-60 seconds more, until onions are soft. Add tomatoes, anchovy paste, capers, olives and a pinch of salt. Stir to combine, then allow to simmer for about 10 minutes. The sauce will reduce and thicken.

Right before serving, pour any chicken juices into the sauce (yum) and plate the chicken. Spoon enough sauce over the chicken to cover generously. You will probably have leftover sauce, which is fantastic the next day.

Sprinkle with Parmesan and/or parsley, if you like, and serve.

Next Day Idea: I had a fantastic, two-minute breakfast the next morning of leftover kale salad, topped with two scrambled eggs and a spoonful of cold puttanesca. SO GOOD.

~*~

Coconut Popsicles (Makes 6)

Each of these has 3g carbs and they couldn't be simpler. The hard part is waiting for them to freeze. Texture-wise, the resulting pops are halfway between a traditional popsicle and ice cream.

1 can regular coconut milk (NOT "lite" -- also check to make sure no extra sugar is in your coconut milk)

2 tsp. real vanilla extract

1 tbsp. Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup (Torani or DaVinci brands are good)

Shake up your can of coconut milk very well before opening. Pour into a bowl with extract and syrup. Stir to combine. Pour into popsicle molds and pop (ha!) into freezer.

If your molds have those snap-on sticks, great. Just wait about 3-4 hours until they're frozen solid and you're good to go. If you have an old-fashioned topless mold like I do, cover the molds with plastic wrap and wait 90 minutes before sticking your sticks into each semi-frozen pop, then allow to freeze completely.

Obviously, this recipe is open for all sorts of experimentation. Try different extracts, spices and herbs. I tried using Sugar Free Cherry Syrup, but it didn't do much for me. Maybe other syrups would. Chop up an ounce of dark chocolate or nuts and stir them in, but make sure to keep in mind the additional carbs per pop. Let me know what popsicle dreams you create!

* = Weigh-in update: I'm down 2.6 pounds this week. That's 10 pounds total, more than I've lost in the last three years combined, despite all efforts.

** = Anchovy paste is totally where it's at. Buy one tube (usually in the pasta aisle, near the tomato pastes), throw it in the fridge, and you'll never have a "now what the heck do I do with the rest of this tin of anchovies?!" moment again. Of course, you can use a regular anchovy or two in place of the paste. And please don't tell me you hate anchovies. Do you like Caesar salad? Then you like anchovy paste. It adds a depth of flavor (not fishiness!) to this dish that you can't replicate otherwise. Give it a try!

How I Eat

The Greedy Gobbler Guidelines are really very simple.

Here's what's in:

• All vegetables, except roots and tubers.
• Whole meats -- including seafood, poultry, beef, pork, etc. Processed meats (e.g., sausage, bacon, deli meat) can be OK for variety, but labels have to be carefully scrutinized for added sugar/starch. You'd be surprised.
• Eggs -- the whole egg. Not just the whites.
• Full-fat dairy -- including cheeses (hooray!!), butter, cream, sour cream.
• Condiments, herbs, oils, spices, beverages that don't contain sugar. Lots of label reading required here. Beware.

Here's what I can have in small quantities:

• BOOZE. I could be fancy and say "wine or spirits," but let's be real here. A drink a day, if I want. Maybe two on special occasions. Nothing sweet or with sugar, of course.
• Tomatoes, avocados, coconut, lemons, limes -- yes, they're fruit, but have much lower sugar content. A bit here and there makes the world go 'round.
• High-fiber crispbreads (up to two a day) and 100% wheat bran.
• A few nuts -- I keep this to a palmful a day, or else I'd eat the whole jar.
• Dark chocolate -- the 75% or higher kind, up to about 1/4 of a bar a day.
• Sucralose (Splenda), stevia, and aspartame (Nutrasweet), in very small quantities when necessary. For all my "eat real food!" mantra, I am not a martyr. Sugar-free cherry Jell-O is a godsend. As is the occasional Diet Dr. Pepper.

Here's what's out:

• Sugar, in its many forms and disguises.
• Fruit (except those listed above) -- for now. I plan to move fruit up to the "small quantities" list eventually.
• Beans and legumes -- these should move up eventually, too.
• Flour and grains -- yes, even whole grains.
• Low-fat anything, especially dairy. Hallelujah!
• Sugar alcohols, especially maltodextrin, malitol, xylitol, sorbitol, etc.

For more detail, please check out the original post where I shared these guidelines.